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QUOTES AND JOKES


We at D&M recognize that the daily grind of dentistry is very very stressful. So, we decided to add a Quotes and Jokes Page to our web site to bring a bit of humor, levity and knowledge into your life. We hope that this page makes you smile, and helps you to lighten up just a bit............

ENJOY!!

 

P.S. If you have a dental joke or a neat Quote please pass it along to us at  DRPAULDMD@SBCGLOBAL.NET and we'll add it! TXS.

 

"The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence."   Confucius

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."  Christopher Reeve

 

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change, the Realist adjusts the sails."  Unknown

 


AUGUST, 2015

Q. What is a Dentist's favorite musical instrument?

A. A tuba toothpaste!


NEW TECHNIQUE FOR EXTRACTING A TOOTH  

The Dental Schools across the Land are now teaching a new Oral Surgery technique for extracting kids teeth. Watch and learn. Press play for a repeat demonstration.  

 


 


JULY 2011

The female dentist  pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles.. I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist then starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects. "I can't do the gas thing.  The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra." The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.


AUGUST, 2010

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.


JUNE, 2010

 A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. After a few drinks, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.


He then takes off his pants and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes….how did you figure that out?”


“Easy,” she replied, “you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, “You must be a very good dentist.”


The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I’m a good dentist, how did you figure that out?”


“I didn’t feel a thing!”


 

JANUARY, 2010

HERE'S A HOLIDAY JOKE JUST A WEE BIT LATE:

This guy goes into his dentist's office, because of pain in his mouth.

After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke!  That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly
completely corroded!  What on earth have you been eating?"

"Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it...Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS!  I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything...meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!"

"That's probably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive.  It seems as though I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."

"Why chrome?" the man asked.

"Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

So "Happy Hollandaise" everybody!

 

OCTOBER, 2009

Q.  WHAT DO YOU CALL AN OLDER DENTIST?

A.  A BIT LONG IN THE TOOTH.

 

JULY, 2009

 

Q. WHAT IS A DENTIST'S FAVORITE TIME OF THE DAY?

A. TOOTH-HURTY


OCTOBER, 2008

THREE GOOD REASONS TO BECOME A DENTIST:

1) FREE LATEX GLOVES.

2) STYLISH SCRUBS.

3) THE WORLD DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE LAWYERS.

 

AUGUST, 2007

Q. A WOMEN ASKS A FEMALE CO-WORKER ‘HAVE YOU EVER MET A MAN WHOSE TOUCH MAKES YOU TREMBLE?’

A. THE CO-WORKER REPLIED ‘WHY YES’ ..... ‘WOW’ SAYS THE FIRST WOMAN, ‘WHO WAS HE?’.... THE CO-WORKER REPLIED.... ‘MY DENTIST.’

 

AUGUST, 2008

Q. DEFINITION OF FESTER?

A. QUICKER.

 

MAY, 2008

Q. DEFINITION OF RECOVERY- ROOM?

A. A PLACE TO DO RE-UPHOLSTERY.

 

NOVEMBER, 2007

Q. DEFINITION OF POST OPERATIVE?

A. A LETTER CARRIER.

 

MAY, 2007

Q. DEFINITION OF DILATE?

A. TO LIVE LONG.

 

APRIL, 2007

Q. DEFINITION OF BARIUM?

A. WHAT THE DOCTORS DO WHEN PATIENTS DIE.

 

MARCH,2007

Q. WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DENTIST AND A NEW YORK YANKEE FAN?

A. ONE YANKS FOR THE ROOTS, AND THE OTHER ROOTS FOR THE YANKS.

 

FEBRUARY, 2007

Q.  HOW DOES A PATIENT KNOW HE'S IN AN HMO DENTAL OFFICE?

A.  WHEN HE LOOKS AT THE WALL AND SEES THAT ALL THE DENTAL DIPLOMAS ARE SIGNED BY SALLY STRUTHERS.

 

JANUARY, 2007

Q.   WHAT DOES THE DENTIST OF THE YEAR GET?

A.    A LITTLE PLAQUE.

 

DECEMBER, 2006 

 

Q.   WHY DID THE GURU REFUSE NOVOCAINE WHEN HE WENT TO THE DENTIST?

A.   HE WANTED TO TRANSCEND DENTAL MEDICATION.

 

 

NOVEMBER, 2006

FOUR WAYS TO TELL YOU'RE ENROLLED IN A CHEAP HMO:

1) TONGUE DEPRESSORS TASTE LIKE A FUDGESICLE.

2) ANNUAL BREAST EXAMINES ARE CONDUCTED AT HOOTERS.

3) YOU SWEAR YOU SAW SALAD TONGS AND A CRAB FORK ON THE INSTRUMENT TRAY JUST BEFORE THE DENTIST STARTED TO EXTRACT YOUR WISDOM TOOTH.

4) YOU ASK FOR VIAGARA AND YOU GOT A FUDGESICLE STICK AND SOME DUCT TAPE.